Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Of Glasses And (Hench) Men

Using eyeglasses can be really disturbing, especially if, like me, you work as a henchman for a local Mafia. In close combat, using eyeglasses could be fatal. The glass part could shattered whenever you're hit, injured--God knows to what extent--your eyes . In the other hand, it's not beneficial too in long distance firing frenzies. I couldn't shoot a sitting duck 50m away from me. I guess the latter is the reason why my boss never enroll me in his sharp-shooter squad.
All because I'm being nearsighted.
Nevertheless, I'm still the Death's incarnate to anyone stupid enough to be anywhere within 20 meters radius when I'm in the you-know-what-I'm-talking-about mode.

In my duty (as a henchman, that is), I often need to disguise my appearance. I have three favorite appearances in such recon jobs. The first is the classic-conspiratorial men-in-black look. Equipped with a fake earpiece, some untrained eyes would easily picked me as a federal agent in such an important mission. Hah! This style distracts people as much as it intimidates them. People tend to avoid a federal-looking guy. Very helpful if you don't want to be disturbed. One exception is that, instead of sunglasses, I wear eyeglasses. I hate sunglasses (they are waaay... too overrated), part of which is because I hate contact lenses one should use if he's nearsighted and wants to avoid really embarrassing scenes when he wears sunglasses.
Another look is more corporate-like. You know that Bennet guy from Heroes series? That's what I meant. That way, I can easily mingle with the crowd in any commercial strip in whatever city my boss sent me. The last look is the most casual one. Usually just cargo pants, t-shirt and a windbreaker, old sneakers and a trucker hat to conceal my crew cut hairdo.

As you can guess, each of the three appearances demands different eyeglasses to be paired with. It is not because I'm fashionable. I'm simply practical, and my famous Buddy Holly-styled tortoise shell eyeglasses isn't helping at all. Any old enemy could spot me from half a mile away even if I'm dressing like a drag queen simply by looking at my glasses.
I was looking for the eyeglasses I needed, online, when I stumbled at a somewhat cheeky My favorite high fashion eyeglasses, apparently promotion lines a moron suggesting an online optic.
I clicked it anyway thinking, "If what you mean by high fashion is what I called practical, than I have nothing to lose here." The URL brought me to the inevitably online optics shop. It offers arrays of eyeglasses, each of which I soon clicked at. Three of them caught my attention for they would fit perfectly to the aforementioned disguises.
I started to like the site and its $ 8 Rx eyeglasses (eyeglasses featured here cost only $8 each). Although you might think otherwise, a henchman's salary is not much, you know (no pensions, too). From my job's perspective, cheap eyeglasses as such have benefits: I could buy as much as my recon jobs need them be. And, in some cases where I have to do close-combat, I could toss whichever one I wear without fear of ruining it or worrying over the cost of replacing it (they're cheap anyway), something which I always feel with my $200 tortoise shell eyeglasses. They're not looking so bad, too. They are, like I said, practical. Not only that. Apparently, someone by the name Greg Karp (as in Karpe Diem, baby!) apparently has mentioned (that's the site I'm talking about here) in How You Can Start Spending Smart in CBN. Well, if the author of a book called Living Rich By Spending Smart should tell you what to do, it is only wise if you do as you are told, right? Of course if you want to get rich in the first place.
At this point you may ask, "What kind of henchman using eyeglasses?" I tell you what, buddies. That's the same question up in my boss' enemies' mind. And all of them fall for it. They aren't around now, are they? They underestimated me, thinking I'm not dangerous enough, and let off their guards accordingly.
You see, I love paradox. People may not scare of me as they would a mean looking street gangster. But looking like a crew-cutted Buddy Holly doesn't mean that I couldn't kill you in a wink of an eye. Savvy? And if all it takes to make people off their guard is to wear glasses, why shouldn't I? All of my victims that fall for it would come back from their grave just to tell you that. The moral of the story is: Don't mess with me.

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